Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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