U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
