If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
