Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
