hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
