Your face is a jimmy john
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
