i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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