Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
