When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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