I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
