He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
