i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
