Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
