We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
