Already got asked if we're dating
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
