Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I looked at my own cervix.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
