this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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