I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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