The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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