I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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