He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
