So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
