Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
