What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
