She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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