All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I will die if light touches me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
