I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
