Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
