he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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