A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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