Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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