he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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