i don't like sucking hair
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
