dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
