i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
