saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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