This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
