kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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