is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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