Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
