there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
