I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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