What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
