I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
