DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
