I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
