My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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