Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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