so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
