I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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